Tuesday, December 20, 2005
SHOW REVIEW: "PIECES (OF ASS)" AT THE ROXY
Reviewed by Don Rose
Where can you hear beautiful women kvetch about being born with a tail, being a plus size model, getting married to Mr. "Knight Rider", wrestling with the existential question of whether a nurse's outfit is really clothes, and more -- all in one sitting? Only one place: the performance piece, "PIECES (of ass)". Of course, not all those descriptions describe the same woman, they apply to a bevy of beautiful babes, but what they all have in common is their desire to tell you, on stage, how being hot is not always as easy as it seems. Each may be radiant as a rose, but there are thorns aplenty.
Brian Howie’s hit show has played LA and other cities before, and will likely do so again; I was fortunate enough to attend opening night recently at the famous (or is it infamous?) Roxy on the Sunset Strip. The packed house was riveted on the ravishing ranters, who alternated stories in a smooth flowing string of pleasant performances. Some highlights:
...Ivory May, tall striking blonde from L.A. who is a plus size model plus so much more, was wonderful (in the interest of full disclosure and senseless self-promotion, she is a friend of mine, we met on the gameshow "Smush" a few years ago, which was on for about five seconds on USA Network). Ivory made great points in her monologue about, among other things, having to always add the "plus" to the "model" part of her self-description, something that was a pain at first, but which she eventually embraced. Of course, embracing one’s truth often pays off; now she makes a great living, and is no doubt laughing all the way to her plus-size bank account.
...Danielle James was a knockout (in looks and performance) as a thin ditzy French-speaking fille, frolicking about with long curly blonde locks (a Gallic goldilocks?), speaking ONLY French to the audience, tres rapide no less -- yet everyone got her message anyway, without her uttering an ounce of English. What was it? I don’t know, but it made everyone laugh. Comedy truly is the universal language (along with money and sex, but that's another column).
...Brunette babe Jill Bartlett roamed the stage like a panther (if that panther was slinky and sexy with an appealing bare midriff and great teeth), reminding us several times she was born with a "f***in' tail"! Tail with a tail, it almost writes itself. She had great stage presence, working the space well. She now sports a tattoo over her lower back, where her tail used to be -- are you writing your own jokes by now? I thought so, so I guess I can move on...
...Then there was the ex-soapstar, the actress/model once married to David Hasselhoff -- his babe before Baywatch, One Life To Live’s Catherine Hickland. Kat told us how Evel Knievel was the first man to tell her she was beautiful, which led her on the path to Hollywood. Daredevils in jumpsuits can have a profound effect on people's lives, something I can relate to. Stevel Knievel, Evel's lesser known brother (who once jumped the L.A. River), told me to become a writer, and look, here you are reading my words right now. Whoa. Life is weird.
...Also memorable was a tall blonde from New York, Barbara Christabella, who has appeared on SNL. In one monologue from the Roxy show, forced to wear a nurse's outfit, she made the excellent point that if you go to any hospital, there really aren't many R.N.’s traipsing around in such sexy duds. She wants to wear "real clothes", she tells her producers, who insist those ARE real clothes, and so the angst continues. Well, thank God she looks killer in them, at least. I mean, come on, things could be worse. She could be playing wronged cop Toots Long in a thong (hey, that’s my movie idea, don’t steal it, I know it needs some work).
...And finally, we got to know more about DJ Caroline D’Amore, who came out from the shadows of the side of the stage (her DJ area) to enter the spotlight of centerstage, belting out a funny monologue about a guy telling her she was "eminently f***able". Foul language in itself can be shockingly funny, sure, but her use of the above phrase was organically humorous; the excessiveness of its use added forcefulness and funniness to her case.
Oh heck, why am I overanalyzing, it was just funny, okay? The entire group was funny, is there anything more unfunny than a critic picking apart comedy? Uh, don't answer that. I think that’s my cue… do make sure to view “Pieces” next time it rolls into town… and till then, remember the immortal words of Evel Knievel: see you on the flipside!
P.S. Look for MY new show, "Critical Condition!", starring me as a critic trying to balance raising 52 children with writing a high-concept comedy. Rene Russo plays my wife, Bonnie Hunt my ex-wife, who I also have 52 kids with. Opening Mothers Day, closing Fathers Day.
P.P.S. "PIECES (of ass)" was Conceived & Directed by Brian Howie.
Presented by model/citizen, in association with MayFirst Productions.
For more info regarding future shows, please see: www.piecesofass.com .
--------------
Don Rose is Editor In Chief of “The Rose Review”, an online magazine available at www.therosereview.com . He also serves as writer and editor for “New News Network”, at trrnnn.blogspot.com . He may be reached at ddrose@aol.com .
Where can you hear beautiful women kvetch about being born with a tail, being a plus size model, getting married to Mr. "Knight Rider", wrestling with the existential question of whether a nurse's outfit is really clothes, and more -- all in one sitting? Only one place: the performance piece, "PIECES (of ass)". Of course, not all those descriptions describe the same woman, they apply to a bevy of beautiful babes, but what they all have in common is their desire to tell you, on stage, how being hot is not always as easy as it seems. Each may be radiant as a rose, but there are thorns aplenty.
Brian Howie’s hit show has played LA and other cities before, and will likely do so again; I was fortunate enough to attend opening night recently at the famous (or is it infamous?) Roxy on the Sunset Strip. The packed house was riveted on the ravishing ranters, who alternated stories in a smooth flowing string of pleasant performances. Some highlights:
...Ivory May, tall striking blonde from L.A. who is a plus size model plus so much more, was wonderful (in the interest of full disclosure and senseless self-promotion, she is a friend of mine, we met on the gameshow "Smush" a few years ago, which was on for about five seconds on USA Network). Ivory made great points in her monologue about, among other things, having to always add the "plus" to the "model" part of her self-description, something that was a pain at first, but which she eventually embraced. Of course, embracing one’s truth often pays off; now she makes a great living, and is no doubt laughing all the way to her plus-size bank account.
...Danielle James was a knockout (in looks and performance) as a thin ditzy French-speaking fille, frolicking about with long curly blonde locks (a Gallic goldilocks?), speaking ONLY French to the audience, tres rapide no less -- yet everyone got her message anyway, without her uttering an ounce of English. What was it? I don’t know, but it made everyone laugh. Comedy truly is the universal language (along with money and sex, but that's another column).
...Brunette babe Jill Bartlett roamed the stage like a panther (if that panther was slinky and sexy with an appealing bare midriff and great teeth), reminding us several times she was born with a "f***in' tail"! Tail with a tail, it almost writes itself. She had great stage presence, working the space well. She now sports a tattoo over her lower back, where her tail used to be -- are you writing your own jokes by now? I thought so, so I guess I can move on...
...Then there was the ex-soapstar, the actress/model once married to David Hasselhoff -- his babe before Baywatch, One Life To Live’s Catherine Hickland. Kat told us how Evel Knievel was the first man to tell her she was beautiful, which led her on the path to Hollywood. Daredevils in jumpsuits can have a profound effect on people's lives, something I can relate to. Stevel Knievel, Evel's lesser known brother (who once jumped the L.A. River), told me to become a writer, and look, here you are reading my words right now. Whoa. Life is weird.
...Also memorable was a tall blonde from New York, Barbara Christabella, who has appeared on SNL. In one monologue from the Roxy show, forced to wear a nurse's outfit, she made the excellent point that if you go to any hospital, there really aren't many R.N.’s traipsing around in such sexy duds. She wants to wear "real clothes", she tells her producers, who insist those ARE real clothes, and so the angst continues. Well, thank God she looks killer in them, at least. I mean, come on, things could be worse. She could be playing wronged cop Toots Long in a thong (hey, that’s my movie idea, don’t steal it, I know it needs some work).
...And finally, we got to know more about DJ Caroline D’Amore, who came out from the shadows of the side of the stage (her DJ area) to enter the spotlight of centerstage, belting out a funny monologue about a guy telling her she was "eminently f***able". Foul language in itself can be shockingly funny, sure, but her use of the above phrase was organically humorous; the excessiveness of its use added forcefulness and funniness to her case.
Oh heck, why am I overanalyzing, it was just funny, okay? The entire group was funny, is there anything more unfunny than a critic picking apart comedy? Uh, don't answer that. I think that’s my cue… do make sure to view “Pieces” next time it rolls into town… and till then, remember the immortal words of Evel Knievel: see you on the flipside!
P.S. Look for MY new show, "Critical Condition!", starring me as a critic trying to balance raising 52 children with writing a high-concept comedy. Rene Russo plays my wife, Bonnie Hunt my ex-wife, who I also have 52 kids with. Opening Mothers Day, closing Fathers Day.
P.P.S. "PIECES (of ass)" was Conceived & Directed by Brian Howie.
Presented by model/citizen, in association with MayFirst Productions.
For more info regarding future shows, please see: www.piecesofass.com .
--------------
Don Rose is Editor In Chief of “The Rose Review”, an online magazine available at www.therosereview.com . He also serves as writer and editor for “New News Network”, at trrnnn.blogspot.com . He may be reached at ddrose@aol.com .
